BEEN GONE FOR A BIT

dare to dream If-your-dreams-dont-scare-you-they-are-not-big-enough

Wow…. Just lost my whole post. I’m having a love hate moment with my computer at the moment. Let me see if I can remember all that I spewed the first time. Well, first reason for my absence. I’ve been very depressed. My plans have not gone as I would like for the last 2 years now.  Not just going bad but going bad on a catastrophic level. Well the last episode of my saga. I was promoted to customer by my job. I think due to the fact that myself and doctor notified them I would need time of due to my depression, anxiety, and PTSD. I got the feeling after a few conversations that they think i am a ticking time bomb. I never gave them a reason to think that, but that’s how they treated me. They have no clue what my diagnosis means, except the stereotype. I had been with them for the last 14 years. It was a big OMG WTF am I going to do moment. My household desperately depends on me. Still haven’t figured out what to do but we are hanging in. My depression and anxiety have shot through the roof. So I’ve been inside myself. Fast forward to today. It’s been raining here it seems like for forever, which hasn’t helped. But today, today it’s Carolina blue skies. Beautiful. Had some time outside deep breathing, and being. Then it hit me. In all this craziness and loss, two years worth. I have been afforded one of my dreams. I never in a million years would have left my job willingly. So much depends on me, it seemed a big leap of faith. My dream, I want to race. I’m an athlete at heart… I miss the competition, the friendships, etc. I was a three sport athlete in high school and played basketball in college. I miss the adrenaline. That was 100 + pounds less ago but I did say this is a journey. So back on track, I think as far as riding goes. The rest of my life up in the air like a bad juggler’s balls. I’m still here planning on writing more and riding even more. So I plan to try and live my dream and get myself out of this spiral. Thanks for being here for me my friends with your thoughts and inspiring stories.